my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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