She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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