Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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