Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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