obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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