I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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