haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hippo gnu deer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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