There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
