What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
