it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wear drunk well.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
