so that wasnt chicken after all
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
