Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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