What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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