In the future we'll all be gay
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
