i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
