Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
