White coat. Heels.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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