We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
