I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
