I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
