I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
