Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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