We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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