quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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