You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
