I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize