wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
