My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
