I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
