Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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