I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
