I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
