Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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