Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize