Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Randomize