woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
