Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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