Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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