im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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