For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
