im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
