Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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