I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
