you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
