Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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