yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
