so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
