First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
no you cant smoke seaweed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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