I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think a kid would responsible me up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
