thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize