Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
