Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
