Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
they need to just BURY HIM!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
