have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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