my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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