our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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