We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
