GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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