Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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