Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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