Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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