He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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