Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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