Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
