3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize