remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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