What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
