me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize