I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
