Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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