I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
