She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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