carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
