he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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