But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
