My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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