A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize