I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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