At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
