She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
